FALCON ♥♥

This probably is about how the sun was on the opposite side of the sky when I woke up this morning. And how my name looks wrong every time I write it until it's gotten to the point that I'm not even sure how to spell it. It's about how everything has been flying out of my control so that I can't remember how to walk without making a sound. Or how to hold on to the edges when my vision gets too blurry. This is almost certainly about how you live one and three fourth miles to the north of me but I forgot and slept facing the south last night so now I felt like I turned my back on you.

But really, this isn't about you.

It's about how I've subscribed to the same three magazines for three years now, and every time I open them I feel like I've seen it all before. And how today is like yesterday and four days before that. It's about how I'm a repeat stuck on repeat, and we're all the same, and I'm drowning in an ocean of those fluid lies and tired eyes. This is maybe almost completely about how my syllables sound like falsities every time I answer the phone trying to sound like I've grown up, and about how I'm hoping it's you while I'm sifting through message lists and memories.

But really, I promise, I promise this isn't about you.

It's about how I forget what I'm saying in the middle of sentences with complex compound structures. And how I'm not much at talking since I get nervous and my words stop making sense. It's about how I speak in different languages that all sound alike or like stutters. And how you're clinging to my ribcage telling me to wait. To breathe. To smile. This is absolutely about how you're like two fingers on my wrist checking for a pulse and about how you're substituting your own sort of rhythm to the crash course soundtrack of my life.

This probably isn't about you, but maybe every other movement it.

My Loveeeee ;D

My heart was in bondage and I thought I could die but then you gave my heart wings and taught me to fly. When I was backed in a corner and all hope was gone, you were the faith and love that helped me move on. When I was falling you caught me. When others thought I was useless you still bought me. When I was sad, lonely and gripped with fear you were there to brush away every tear. No one may know how much you mean to me but I can truly say that without you I'd never be. When I was scared and wanted to run away you were always the one that knew what to say. When I was hurt you were always there to heal. You are always concerned with how I feel. Whenever I felt confused and alone, you were there for me as if you had never gone. I once wondered why you're always there for me but now I realise it is because you are my best friend.

Sometimes, things just don't happen the way we want it to be.

Some say they start afresh in their lives. The truth is they couldn't really forget the past. And they just you know, pretended.to forget.

Campers! :D

Finally, COALS has ended. After 3 days of adventure and many more with the awesomest groupmates, I really miss the times. Being able to have so much fun and laugh along with Falcon, eating all of my meals with Falcon, going through every activity with Falcon, even bathing with Falcon(ahah!), sleeping with Falcon(some ah), playing games with Falcon, doing forfeits with Falcon, practicing with Falcon, performing with Falcon, cheering with Falcon and having so much fun with Falcon. Those are the memories that I will cherish forever. Falcon is the best (: Of course, Echo too! AHAH. Echo is Falcon's so called best friend ah! Always together, cheering together, even doing activities together and supporting each other. AHAH. Together, we're FALCHO (: I like.

Memories are for the young and old to share with others or just to hold until we need to remember when be it now or be it then we felt so good or shed a tear feel some love or angst or fear but bring together what we may store of days gone by and many more.

FALCON, I LOVE ALL OF YOU. EVERY STINKING ONE OF YOU. AHHAH.

Going to Kem Obor with this makcik :)

I want to tell you that I've been sleeping less but dreaming more. I want to tell you that I've been waking up cold listening to the weather fold in and out of itself as the wind knocks on my windowpane. So while I'm wrapped up in not enough sleep, listening to my dreams and reality collide, I'm waiting for the winter to come and the snow to swallow us whole. Since I'm sick of watching autumn paint the world better colours as you stay this same too-pale-sheet-of-white which always make your smile seems less bright. And as I fall for you, I have to remember that I'm nothing like those maple leaves. I'm not that beautiful and you're nothing like that swirling breeze, you can't catch me.

I want to know what I'm supposed to do with a mess like you. It's like you're always moving too fast, and I can never remember the exact contours of your face. So while you're streaking by me in a ribbon of glittering lights and quickening breaths, I just want to know how those outlines even contain you. Or what words would ever describe you. I want to know how you can seem like such a disaster, but at the end of the day, I still want you.

I want you to know that you sound like the colour blue. Like skies crashing into the oceans. Like rain mixing with tears. Like the whole world spinning too fast and colliding with constellations. You're like a chemical reaction of please-dont-leave-me and undeniably dangerous unpredictability. You're the other half to my current one car collision, and I want the crash so badly. I want to count my bruises with you sitting beside me on the concrete. I'll take scraped knees and dslocated bones if I don't have to be alone. I want you to know that maybe you're a wreck but you're the very best part of me.

Watching Ariel the Mermaid now :) DisneyChannel.

(My week so far.)

HELLO!

Okay, you all know the story Momo Love right? Seriously, this is the genius brother. Who is the cutest/hottest among the four overprotective brothers. He's hot! But of course my JungYongHwaOppa is hotter la, duh! His name is Sphinx! Damn cool right?! I know. Like mat saleh celup mane like that! Me and Rasyidah damn crazy seh. She ah, start first! Aiyoo. HAHA. I love his specs. Bah. Kay, wtv.

HAHA. Cute right the animations of my Jung Yong Hwa Oppa! AHAH. Wowzers. OMG, he's freaking hot la seh! Seriously, but he's going to be hurt in the story! Confirm one! The sweet/nice/awesome/gorgeous/hot one is always the one who gets hurt. Bah. Saddening life. Who will not like them seh?! Haish. I have over 70+ pictures of him in my laptop lah! Awesome ttm. He's soooo MINE! (: I also have HongKi's pictures. AHAH. This story is so awesome shitzo. OMG, seriously. This story is damn addictive and so awesome! ;D I loveeeeeee Jung Yong Hwa Oppa truckloads! :D

My lappy wallpaperrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! ;D

Streaming results out. Pure History SSGeog Chemistry Physics (: Might be with $8! (: LOVE.

A.N.JELL! :D

The wonders of the sun lies in the mystery of the sky. How it rises up to meet you then hides and say goodbye. The mysteries of the moon in the night are so clear. It's circle changing with time, then it's original form reappears. The trees were so green, the sky was so blue, the clouds were so white. Our world was so beautiful. But this is not the world we see today, at least I don't see the world still that way. People are fighting, people are crying and hope is falling astray. In a world with such madness, how could you see? But everyday when coming home, I return and I see you. Your smile fills the darkness withing my heart. Your smile calms my shaken soul. Your smile warms me and makes me feel alive. Your smile is my sun. In a world with such madness, I can still see. That you being in this world, is really all I need.

We could and we would make beautiful screeching noises together from the tops of fences where we balance as our toes curl around the chain links, and you would sound like a cat in heat while I howled. They will say it rained cats and dogs but it wasn't rain - it was the sound of heaven crying at the beauty we created. I never learned to dance on beat, but syncopation is an art from just like interpretive dance is an art form - only in the loosest sense, but humour me and keep on beat. And we will become a give and take until the sun comes up.

Groupies Darlings :D

Somewhere there's someone who's thinking of your smile. Somewhere there's someone who's dreaming of you in their sleep. Somewhere there there's someone who thinks that your presence is worthwhile. Somewhere there there's someone who wants to be with you everytime. Somewhere there there's someone who's remembering you every minute of the day. Somewhere there there's someone who's loving you secretly.

I am sitting with smoking nerves and frayed circuit wires. Everything I don't know knotting together for me to choke on. If there is a door I can't find it. If there is an answer, I'm unaware. Instead I am falling to my knees and crawling under the smoke, eyes watering and knuckles bleeding. No closer to the end then when I had begun. If I had the courage, I'd crack open your ribs and get the answer for myself. If I was brave, I'd simply reach over and pinch the truth from your tongue. Or I'd just tie my heart to the railroad tracks and wait for you to save it. Wait for you to cradle it and whisper that the time for pinched nerves and scraped knees is over.